I don't know about you, but this fight seems staged to me.

There’s been lots of talk about the violent nature of hockey. This debate has been going on forever… and ever… and ever. It ain’t changing ’cause the players don’t want it to change, period. And really, if the players don’t want things changed, who the f%#k are we to get up on our high horse and whine about it?

I hate staged fights. No matter how innocent or uneventful, I squirm whenever a players gets knocked over into the boards from behind. I hate seeing a player take a puck to his face. I also hate it when cameras show an attractive female fan at the game but pans away too quickly. But that’s part of the sport. It’s the players who take the risk and it’s the players who are putting their health on the line. If they’re fine with it, let them be and enjoy the aspects of the game which you enjoy.

Some on their high horse will say that players need to be saved from themselves. Thankfully, those of us with free will can be saved from reading these ramblings. Hockey is hockey. It’s fast, physical and like any other sport — anything in life, really — it creates its own share of collateral damage. The extent of that damage has to be policed by its participants, not outside forces with their own agenda/morals — *cough* Air Canada *cough*.

I’ll never forget as a kid watching the football game where Mike Utley got paralyzed. I hope I never have to witness something like that in hockey. NBA Contracts. But it can happen at any time. It’s the same as any other profession where a person puts their health on the line, however, athletes are in a position where they can mandate, for the most part, the extent of violence in the game, and if they choose not to, then again, who the f*%k are we to say they’re wrong?

That said, I do have one request I’d like to pass on to the league and its players: DO NOT SCHEDULE GAMES ON MARCH 8TH EVER AGAIN!…

March 8th, 2004 – Moore suffers fractured vertebrae.
March 8th, 2011 – Pacioretty suffers fractured vertebrae

This must have something to do with the moon, the march of the emperor penguins and the gravitational pull on the ice because of global warming. At least that what the scientition in me says!

And last, but certainly not least, I think I found the Matt Cooke of pillow fighting. After spending hours reviewing the photo below, I’ve come to the conclusion that the blonde on the right surely was blindsided by that cheap shot artist on the left. What you say?

Follow BoF on Twttter!

Senile auctioneer Dale Tallon seen here auctioning off his assets to an empty room.

For those of you wondering how much the car repair bill from my last post came to, it was $1500. To raise the cash I had to spend all of February on the street corner turning tricks However, due to “shrinkage” thanks to this awful winter we’re having, I still came up short — at least that’s the excuse I’m sticking to! So now you know why posting has been so light lately.

Here are some thoughts while I bathe the ashamed stench from my body, replacing it with the ashamed stench of a grown man who takes baths.

–Hey, remember the last post where I wrote these brilliant words:

I don’t have much hockey commentary today, but if there was such a thing as being able to buy the Devils stock right now, I’d do it.

PAT ON THE BACK FOR ME! I AM SO EFFIN’ SMART!

//ignores preseason post where he had the Devils ranked #4 overall.

–I didn’t participate much on Twitter lately but there were great laughs to be had at the expense of silly reporters on deadline day. Puck Daddy had a great review of all the shenanigans. It’s funny ’cause so many of these media guys take themselves and their jobs so seriously, but in reality they’re just like you and me!

–Speaking of deadline day, let’s talk about the subject of this post: Dale Tallon.

Look, I get the whole “blowing up the team because it sucks and is going nowhere” but besides Niclas Bergfors, Tallon got absolutely nothing in return in this latest fire sale. In fact, if you go back to the Horton and Ballard trades, Tallon really only got Bergfors and two late 1st round picks (used select Nick Njugstad and Quinton Howden). What’s worse is that he’ll probably lose Vokoun for nothing in the summer and still has the Olesz ($3,125,00 untill 2014) and Booth ($4,250,00 until 2015) contracts on the books.

The best trade Tallon made was getting Grabner in the Ballard trade but he then promptly waived Grabner who now has 25 goals and is a +9 (and is used to kill penalties!!!) on Long Island. Hindsight is 20-20 you say, but I voiced this opinion throughout the summer/fall. Grabner is notorious for having crappy training camps so I’m pretty sure Tallon had no clue as to what type of player he was getting in him.

PAT ON THE BACK FOR ME! I AM SO EFFIN’ SMART!

//ignores preseason post where he had Tampa Bay ranked #21 overall.

So yeah, Tallon gets a pass because of what he did in Chicago but he made some pretty boneheaded moves over there too.

In conclusion, I am like totally way smarter than Dale Tallon.

The photo Gonchar used on Match.com to lure Bryan Murray last summer.

–Sergei Gonchar has two more years left at $5,500,000!

In conclusion, I am like totally way smarter than Bryan Murray.

–Both the Erik Johnson/1st rounder for Chris Stewart/Kevin Shattenkirk and James Neal/Niskanen for Alex Goligoski trades were pretty fair and good for all teams involved. I’ve read people who chose sides and blasted the trades but I don’t see that as a reasonable take. Every one of those teams got what they needed/wanted.

–If I had to chose one player I’d want out of that bunch, I’d be Erik Johnson. My only concern with him is that he doesn’t strike me as the smartest cat around but hopefully that’ll change with experience and age.

–My wife watched the Oscars so I caught a bit of it (I would ever watch such a non-manly show on my own). People are blasting James Franco as a host, calling him too relaxed and carefree. To those people, I ask: what the f^%k did you expect from Franco? That’s his whole shtick and I’ve never seen him not be himself.

In conclusion, the Oscars and the people who watch them are silly.

//waves goodbye to the one female who reads this blog.

“Bye, Mom!”

–I had a chance to watch a few Ranger games this month (gambling will do that to you) and I was mightily impressed with Ryan McDonagh. That kid is going to be a very fine defenseman in this league for many years to come. Sucks for Habs fans.

–I was looking at the odds to win the Stanley Cup recently and the one that really stuck out for me was Nashville at 34 to 1. Good value there, my friends. The Preds totally strike me as a team built for the playoff grind.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, having the Lightning at 11 to 1 is just silly. No way they win more than one round (if that).

–You know, there’s a chance that Vancouver could meet Chicago in the 1st round and that would be truly epic. I’m sure Canuck fans are relieved they no longer have Big Buff to contend with, but if I were the Hawks coaching staff, I’d call up Kyle Beach, team him up with John Scott, plant both in Luongo’s crease and then count how long it takes for the ‘Nucks to self-destruct. I’d have the self-destruction over/under line set at 2.5 shifts.

–I’m already laughing at the team which overpays a 31-year-old Brad Richards in the summer. Not Gonchar-esque laughing but laughing nevertheless.

–That is all for today. Follow along on Twitter, I’ve lost some followers and would like to get them back just so I could block their rude asses for unfollowing me. You just don’t do such a thing to a man!

–OH, BEFORE I GO. LEAVE SOME COMMENTS, OTHERWISE I WON’T BLOG AGAIN . Yes, that was an empty threat and a pathetic display to get some attention from my reader(s).

Okay, the title is a bit dramatic but bear with me. Since September of last year, I’ve had the following stuff break down  in my life: main TV (colors went all cooky), 3 electric heaters in the house (all three just “poofed” in a span of a couple weeks), oven (after my wife did the self-cleaning on it, something overheated and it cost $150 to fix), the electrical outlets outside the house (I’m not even considering fixing this problem until spring),  the back window wiper motor of my vehicle just two weeks ago and to top it all off, on Thursday I hit a bumpy road and now have a problem with my air suspension (I had to lowride my way home and all that was missing from that scene was some rap music blaring through the speakers).

From what I could gather browsing the internet, this current problem could be the most expensive of all to fix with estimates ranging between $800-$2000. I’ll find out the exact damage tomorrow but I’m pretty sure it’ll result in me saying, “[expletive] [expletive] [expletive]!”

–Oh, and I’m catching a ride to the dealer with the flatbed towing guy who’ll be here at 7am. On a good day, I’m not a morning person, but on a cold winter day on which I know I’ll be having my wallet raped, I’m REALLY not a morning person. Hope the driver doesn’t mind awkward silence for the entire 20-minute ride, otherwise “[expletive] [expletive] [expletive]!”

–Oh, one more thing that you guys may find utterly hilarious. Last time I was at this dealer, I kind of got pissed off at them about something (I hate going to dealers for non-warranty service and avoid it unless absolutely necessary, so I always have a chip on my shoulder when I do go to one). Tomorrow I have to go back, like a puppy with his tail between his legs. (“[expletive] [expletive] [expletive]!”)

–If you’ve been following my Twitter for the past three days, you’ll see that I posted a 3-game parlay bet each day. All three days, I missed cashing in by 1 game. (“[expletive] [expletive] [expletive]!”)

–So yeah, if any of you placed this curse on me because I made some mean comment about something you like, please lift it. I’ve suffered enough! Oh, and “[expletive] [expletive] [expletive] you!”

–I don’t have much hockey commentary today, but if there was such a thing as being able to buy the Devils stock right now, I’d do it. They’ll be better in the second half of the season. Earlier this month, some guy dropped Martin Brodeur in one of my fantasy hockey leagues. I think that was the bottom!

–The internet is one big wasteland of crap — this site, for instance — but every now and then, I find something that captivates me greatly. The online archive of Time Magazine is one of those things. It’s such a fascinating look at yesteryear and humanity in general. Just take a look at the September 18, 1939 issue at the advent of WWII.

There’s quite a few hockey stories in the archive, too. Check out Ranger goalie  Dave Kerr, who graced the March 14, 1938 cover. The article serves as an introduction to the game and profiles the New York Rangers. At the beginning it compares hockey with baseball and includes this zinger:

Whereas baseball’s annual championship is a World Series in which the leading team of each league takes part, hockey’s championship is not a series between the leading teams but a complicated round robin (for a battered $50 cup) in which the three top teams of each division take part.

In the writer’s defense, the Cup back in the olden days did look like something you’d find at your Grandma’s house:

What’s weirder in the graphic above, the Stanley Cup looking like some spaceship probe or the cartoon bear taking a dump into it? Answer: None of the above, the weirdest thing is a player in a Maple Leafs  jersey holding it!

While reading another article from the February 11th, 1935 issue, I get the feeling that people in the 1930′s were not really all that bright.

By last week, the major-league hockey season was sufficiently advanced for experts to make their prophecies on how it will end next month, when the three leading teams in the two divisions-of the League play a complicated round-robin tournament for the world’s championship Stanley Cup.

Both hockey pieces I found from the 1930′s talk about how complicated the playoff format is. Mind you, the only odd thing was that the top teams in each division had a bye in the 1st round and had to play each other in the 2nd round. Imagine if the writer(s) had to deal with today’s scenario, the article would probably read: “A mind numbing, impossible to figure out format based on standings where most teams have more wins than losses. But the trophy is quite marvelous!”

Fast forward to February 24th, 1975 and you get quite possible the coolest Time cover ever:

Imagine the heart attacks in the NHL offices if this were hitting the newsstands today!

The article inside profiles Bernie Parent and also delves into the hockey violence topic, touching on some of the same themes we hear today:

The virus of violence has spread far beyond the player. The most chilling recent display was Boston Bruin Dave Forbes’ attack on Minnesota North Star Henry Boucha. In that incident, Forbes jammed the end of his stick into Boucha’s right eye, leaving Boucha, after surgery, with impaired vision. In an unprecedented criminal action against an N.H.L. player, Forbes was charged with aggravated assault with a dangerous weapon. His trial, now scheduled for May, could remove punishment for sport violence from the arena to the police and the courts.

Among the people most concerned over unfettered violence are the officials of junior-level competition. Because the Flyers’ buccaneering play attracts fans—most critics suggest that is precisely why the pros fight—the ethic of war has seeped down to younger players. The trend has become so disturbing in Canada that the Ontario government recently conducted an inquiry into violence in the region’s amateur hockey programs and, soon after, the Ontario Hockey Association set up new rules to halt brutality on the ice.

Can’t help but chuckle at that.

The intro of the article features some great writing:

He needs the glove of an all-star shortstop, the agility of a gold-medal gymnast, the reflexes of a championship racing-car driver, the eye of a .400 hitter and the mind of a geometrician. Even then he is nothing if he has not conquered fear, for he lives in a vortex of violence in the world’s fastest team sport. He is the hockey goalie, the masked man, the magnet for action in a war on ice.

As in no other sport, the essence of his game is violence —bodies hurtling, players smashing each other into the boards, sticks slashing, fists always at the ready. Even when the skating and body checking are clean—and they often are not—the play is fierce and frightening. And it is all directed at one target—the man in the reinforced fiber-glass mask.

Alone or in clusters, attackers bear down on him at breakneck speed, their razor-sharp blades ripping into the white ice. From any angle, in the open or from behind a screen of players, a shooter fires and the rock-hard puck hums toward the goalie at more than 100 m.p.h. He has less than a second to react. If he fails, there is no reprieve: the goalie is the last line of defense, the difference between winning and losing.

Chills, baby, chills!

Okay, I’ve rambled enough and I need to get ready for the NFL games. As always, follow along on Twitter if you want to be cool!

Jets +3.5, Packers -3.5. Book it!

NFL 2010: The Most Entertaining Season Ever?

I’ll spare you the excuses as to why I didn’t post in a quite a while. Let’s just say I didn’t feel like it. Okay, with that bit of awkwardness out of the way, here are some quick thoughts on the world of hockey and sports.

–I love hockey but this year’s NFL season will go down as the most entertaining season I’ve ever witnessed in any sport. It’s been fascinating to follow. That said, last year’s NHL playoffs were one of the best ones in a long time. Add to that the Miami Heat and LeBron rejuvenating the NBA somewhat and baseball rebounding from the steroid era with a good crop of pitchers and young players coming up. It’s like a golden year for sports in North America so it’s safe to assume we’ll be seeing lockout after lockout in the near future.

–You know what I find funny? Grown ups complaining and mocking the NHL Guardian project. It’s obviously marketing towards kids and kids go nuts for stupid shit. Sure toys these days are pretty weird (wtf is a Bakugan?) but it’s no weirder than a prince transforming himself into warrior and riding his tiger to battle a skeleton. But let’s be honest He-Man rocked our world, so maybe some gullible kid in California will find “The King” totally awesome and beg his parents to go to an NHL and BOOM! New fan!

Jem: Possibly the reason why Tranny Porn is so popular these days!

–Speaking of old time cartoons… GI Joe and Transformers rocked. I also was a big fan of Duck Tales and of M.A.S.K., the latter of which never reached much popularity. And don’t tell anyone this, but I did have a secret crush on Jem because, well, she was truly outrageous!

–I still haven’t seen the final episode of HBO’s 24/7 but the show was pretty cool. I thought Matt Cooke came off great which is still a shock to write into words.  This creates the scary possibility that everything we believe about this universe could be wrong.

–Loved Sid on the show, too.  However, Ovechkin doesn’t really seem to me like the same guy from two years ago. He just came off more shy and reserved than I expected. You can kind of tell that he doesn’t really enjoy North America and feels more comfortable in the Motherland. In contrast, and what was another surprise to me, Malkin seemed much more fun than I imagined him to be (not that I spend my time imagining how much fun Malkin is… alright, I do).

–The Bruce Boudreau f-bomb thing was kind of overplayed. I watched the first episode a few days after it aired and prior to watching it, I read some reviews of it on the blogs and it made it seem like Boudreau had a meltdown. Really, though, it’s just a guy who likes to swear. Nothing wrong with that. We all know someone like that. Hell, when I’m in a bad mood, I’m probably like that.

–This is really funny. In 1974, a Cleveland Browns fan complains to the team about people throwing paper airplanes in his section. He then gets a response from the team’s general counsel. Makes me wish we were still back in a time before political correctness took over our world. Then again, I’m neither ethnic, gay or a woman so I may have a romanticized view of the old days.

–Speaking of anti-political correctness stuff, the Russian junior team lived up to every Vladimir Sharapov stereotype, and it was awesome!

–This Intent To Blow post is from December 21st and plays off the Thrashers publicity stunt with their mascot from a month back but it’s probably my favorite work they’ve done to date. Go read it (but go read about the actual publicity stunt first if you have no clue what I’m talking about, here’s a link for that because I know you’re too lazy to find it yourself and will probably get sidetracked at some porn site).

–I don’t know if you guys heard but Jets cornerback Antonio Cromartie expressed his hatred of Tom Brady to the media. I was debating whether to bet on the Patriots -9.5 but after those comments, I think it’s a fairly safe bet. Also like the Falcons -1.5 and the Steelers -2.5.  Not touching the Seahawks/Bears game, both of those teams are not to be trusted.

–Well that’s all for today. See you again in two months (or not… but probably two months). Follow along on Twitter, I still have 1010 followers even though I haven’t tweeted in almost a month. Which reminds me, I had a tweet read on-air by Jim Rome back in mid-December. How cool is that? What? Not cool at all, you say? Well, effff you.

Okay, ESPN it is!!!

Yup, I didn’t write a post yesterday. I wish there was some heroic story I could share with you all as to why I was unable to throw something up, but let’s just say that when it comes to crunch time, I fold faster than an Italian goalie playing in Vancouver.

But tonight is a new night and I will prove the mocking commentators wrong by bouncing back with an epic post for the ages (another lie, I’m afraid).

Let’s discuss something that Matt Reitz brought to the table on Saturday:

It sounds like ESPN is going to make a serious push to add the NHL to their lineup at the end of the season. Here’s a question: is ESPN and their unbelievable exposure the right move for the NHL? Or would it be better to stay at a place like Versus that will treat them like the most important thing on the network?

I think there’s a lot to be said for being a big fish in a small pond. It’s a place where you’re not only sort of a big deal but also comfortable. Sure, the girls may not be as pretty or plentiful as they are in the big city, but at least they’ll talk to you instead of being stuck-up bitc… err, y’know.

And that’s what the NHL brass will have to decide. Are they better of being seen with the sexy supermodel who will treat them like garbage, that is when she’s not sleeping with their rivals (which she always is, that tramp!)? Or would they be better off sticking with the one who isn’t so much about the looks but will treat them right because her only other romantic options involve speedo-wearing european bicyclists? Call me mature beyond my years, but like you youngins will learn eventually, option #2 is better in the long run.

That said, I’d love to hear Bill Simmons devote a whole podcast to hockey talk with Cousin Sal, but that probably won’t happen even with a deal because Simmons is just too damn sexy.

One more thing before I finish up the post for today. I don’t know if you guys are following these new TSA rules in the States which involve passengers picking between getting molested or sprayed with cancer but if you are, you’ll probably find this image amusing (and then sad):

Follow along on Twitter.