(This is a guest post written by Vladimir Sharapov (Владимир Шарáпов). Vladimir works as a baseball scout in his home country of Russia, but his true passion lies in the sport of hockey. We hope that you agree with us when we say that Vladimir will add both a serious and an international opinion to the Blades of Funny community. His posts are unedited from the copies that he sends us, save for the censoring of swear words.)

HELLO BLADES OF FUNNY READER,

I write here TODAY to tell you about PROFOUND INJUSTICE done to my comrades. My expose will AWE and SHOCK you lazy North American who sit around eating cheese covered chip all day.

After watching games involving OVECHKIN vs. STUPID MONTREAL and MALKIN vs. UGLY MONTREAL. I can tell you this with no question in my mind: THE RUSSIAN SUPERSTARS WERE CHEATED IN THE PLAYOFFS.

YES IT IS TRUE. Every bone of VLADAMIR’S BODY feel truth must be told.

EVIDENCE IS CLEAR.

Montreal bad team who can not score goal on MICHAEL LEIGHTON but they defeat MALKIN AND OVECHKIN? THIS smell like more fish to VLADIMIR than the shores of SEVERDVINSK.

GOALTENDER from SLOVAKIA <Vladimir SPIT on floor> play like MIRACLE ON ICE vs. OVECHKIN and MALKIN but now he not able to stop MIDGET FRENCHMAN BRIERE and WALKING HOSPITAL PATIENT GAGNE. This no make any sense to VLADIMIR.

League do not want Cup of Stanley champion to be HANDSOME RUSSIAN MAN with flair of sabertooth tiger and instinct of killer bee. This why league conspire to ELIMINATE comrades with superior HOCKEY SKILL.

OR League afraid of CRAZY FANS in Philadelphia and Montreal so they act like chicken who do not want bones broken. I do not understand how Montreal defeat OVECHKIN and MALKIN back-to-back. IMPOSSIBLE.

Anti-RUSSIA conspiracy also effect DATSYUK and KOVALCHUK too but VLADIMIR not have evidence as clear about this like I have about Montreal. Plus DETROIT team get many breaks in previous times so it is CLEAR to VLADIMIR they not part of conspiracy.

You say to VLADIMIR: but what about NABOKOV and BROTHERS KOSTITSYN, they still in playoffs?

I write in previous post about NABOKOV how he not TRUE RUSSIAN because he too much CALIFORNIA DREAMING. About BROTHERS KOSTITSYN I choose not to talk about them. They good Russian boys and we leave it at that, OK? Good. No more question in future about BROTHERS KOSTITSYN, PLEASE.

I need to end now as I have to catch train to scout baseball tomorrow but I hope my words open eyes of hockey fans that league cheat and is anti-RUSSIAN. American Fans deprived of ability to watch best players in league because league eliminate all GREAT RUSSIANS. This make VLADIMIR’S STOMACH HURT more than water from village well.

Before I go, I answer COMMENTS AND WORDS FROM READERS FROM PREVIOUS POST…

***

Man with exotic name write comment:

I do not know what this mean. Everytime VLADIMIR visit America to scout baseball, people come up to me and say about player:

“He strong like Drago.”

“He powerful like Drago.”

“He probably juice like Drago.”

Why should Vladimir care what juice player drink? SILLY AMERICANS. I do not get your conversation. NEXT!

***

Man who work as waiter write comment:

You must spend too much time in kitchen because RUSSIAN MEN do not golf. What sort of SISSY game is golf? Walk around park, hit little ball into little hole located in middle of park. GAME IS LAZY AND STUPID FOR FAT NORTH AMERICAN MEN.

You want to know what OVECHKIN and rest of RUSSIA MEN do to relax? WE hunt the elusive LYNX in SOUTHERN SIBERIA. This is what a REAL man do, not walk around park and hit white balls with stick.

***

Finally, lovely lady write to BLADES OF FUNNY ABOUT VLADIMIR:

Maybe you invite VLADMIR to marriage in North America so VLADMIR get visa and achieve life dream of working for Blue Jays of Toronto?

What can VLADIMIR offer in return for visa? I strong like ox, fix house without problem, hunt for food, and build magnificent well in your village. If you marry VLADIMIR you become ENVY of all women in village filled with fat and lazy NORTH AMERICAN MEN.

BYE BYE FOR NOW PEOPLE IN INTERNET.

Владимир Шарáпов

(This is a guest post written by Vladimir Sharapov (Владимир Шарáпов). Vladimir works as a baseball scout in his home country of Russia, but his true passion lies in the sport of hockey. We hope that you agree with us when we say that Vladimir will add both a serious and an international opinion to the Blades of Funny community. His posts are unedited from the copies that he sends us, save for the censoring of swear words.)

HELLO BLADES OF FUNNY READER.

I want to thank BLADES OF FUNNY for giving me voice in internet to teach PUBLIC PEOPLE about sport of hockey.

Before I continue with point of letter I tell you about VLADIMIR more. I work job as baseball scout in Russia and I know athletics good. I watch and play sport of HOCKEY since I five years old. I KNOW the fine things about sport so you in good hands with VLADIMIR.

Now I speak about subject and teach you about best performers who play SPORT OF HOCKEY. My list good because I am sport scout so I know what make good athletic performance.

I share list of mine that tell public about best hockey players in world. READ LIST NOW:

1. ALEXANDER OVECHKIN – number one hockey performer in world. TOTAL PACKAGE. Speed of cheetah, shoot like bullet, pass of tiger, score vision of army general, physical power of black bear, balance of mountain goat, skating like PLUSHENKO.. If you doubt Russia produce good athletics, you look at ALEXANDER OVECHKIN NOW.
2. ALEXI MOROZOV – Alexi older now but in prime he greatest hockey performer since Valery Kharlamov. If he play in NORTH AMERICA Alexi score 100 plus point every year. Guarantee.
3. EVGENI MALKIN – Superstar performer who champion of Stanley and MVP. Big man who have good eye and big body. Without MVP MALKIN Pittsburgh not win Cup of Stanley.
4. PAVEL DATSYUK – CUP OF STANLEY CHAMPION. Good Russian man who dangle like dangle is dangled by top performer. Detroit not win Cup of Stanley without Datsyuk starring.
5. ILYA KOVALCHUK – speed of pergrine falcon and good score vision. He Cup of Stanley champion if good team he have to carry. Atlanta joke. News in my village last week say HE PLAY in DEVIL system now. Good.
6. SERGEI MOZYAKIN – superstar performer for Atlant Moscow Oblast who lead KHL in points score now. If he play NORTH AMERICA Sergei score 100 point every year. Guarantee.
7. NICKLAS BACKSTROM – he good young boy who help OVECHKIN score. Best ice see vision of any performer not born in Russia. He good young boy.
8. SIDNEY CROSBY – he okay player for Canadian but he not measure up to Russian athletic standards. He good help for MALKIN. How you say, he starsky to MALKIN hutch. CROSBY good but People of Canada make too much praise for him because they not see Russian perform much. For Canadian he good.
9. PHIL KESSEL – even though he American KESSEL play like Russian star. Speed of cheetah and score like sniper. He not like to pass much but in Russia we not look down on no pass because score is more important. If he play on team with good Russian he could be champion with Cup of Stanley. Toronto joke.
10. ALEXEI YASHIN – he old now (37) but he still do good in KHL for SKA Saint Petersburg. #3 scorer in last year in league. That tell you what good athletics ALEXI have and if he play in NORTH AMERICA Alexi score 100 points. Guarantee.

So people in internet YOU SEE NOW HOW GOOD RUSSIA HOCKEY PERFORMERS IS. In list of 10 BEST hockey performers SEVEN born in Russia.

Let me tell you it not FLUKE. Russian men is powerful men, no girly men like performers from SWEDEN OR CANADA OR FINLAND. RUSSIA = GOOD MANLY JEANS.

PLUS we have good player even not on list like ALEXANDER SEMIN. He best friend of OVECHKIN and good at get goal but he need to eat more meat because he fragile. Man from Russia not fragile so he not make the list but he still good performer.

We have good goalie too. ILYA BRYZGALOV best goalie in WORLD NOW. EVGENI NABOKOV good goalie too. TOP THREE IN WORLD. But I tell you truth. I not like him much. He spend too much time in CALIFORNIA BEACHES and not play hockey like Russian. IF HE NOT CALIFORNIA DREAMING RUSSIA WIN GOLD MEDAL.

I hope PEOPLE WHO READ INTERNET learn from my words about HOCKEY. I leave now to scout baseball but I WILL SHARE WISDOM AGAIN.

BYE BYE FOR NOW PEOPLE IN INTERNET.

Владимир Шарáпов