Making Babies With Other Hockey Blogs [+]

I haven’t done one of these in over 2 weeks. Judging by the few comments this feature elicits, I’m sure you guys have missed it greatly, so who am I do deprive you of this pleasure?

Wait a second, did you see the “[+]” in the title? That’s my brilliant way of giving you a heads up that there’s more to this post than just links.

I bet you’re hella excited and raring to go!

Here … we … go …

Puck Daddy – Greg eulogizes the Paul Bissonnette Twitter account aka @PaulBizNasty aka “the greatest fu*king thing to ever grace the internet”. (Editor’s note: that was the first time in the history of the world that “Paul Bissonnette” and the word “grace” were used in the same sentence.)

Zack Taylor – Whaaaat? A celebrity blog? Yes, my friends, one can never get enough of BizNasty and quotes like this:

“I am 100 percent straight. I don’t know what girls told you that. They are just trying to start a story because they are probably bitter over us kicking them out of our booth at XS Nightclub. As for the photo with that guy back in 2007 – He’s the ex-boyfriend of a girl I dated from Vancouver. We thought it would be funny to take a photo together. I’m not an insecure guy. I’m 100 percent straight… I enjoy banging broads haha!”

There’s also a mini-interview with him here, which includes some insight as to who gets BizNasty’s motor running:

Who his celebrity crush is to sleep with (since all hockey players these days seem to be hooking-up with actresses):

“We call those ‘celebrity kills’ in the dressing room. I think Megan Fox would be up there. She would be my number one.”

Of course, the main attraction in this link is seeing how BizNasty gets down while in Vegas:

Photo courtesy of ZackTaylor.ca

–A celebrity blog link, pictures of a dude in a thong; this probably isn’t a good time to let you guys know that I’m currently addicted to a salad. Not just any salad but a THE GREATEST SALAD KNOWN TO MAN EXIST.

You get some spinach, dress it up with some vinaigrette, add sliced beets, a handful of chopped walnuts and top it off with heaping amounts of goat cheese. It’s so good, I buy the stuff bulk at Costco ’cause I can’t get enough (except the canned beats since they don’t seem to carry those).

In a related note, my wife thinks I’m obsessed about this salad and possibly, just possibly, have more passion for it than anything or anybody.

You know what? She is right.

–Another thing I’ve been meaning to talk about: don’t you just hate it when you’re getting a pedicure and the person… I kid, I kid. My gayness ends at goat cheese salad and sharing pics of BizNasty’s butt muscles.

–See that’s what the “+” sign was for. You know you’re in store for great material when you see the “+” sign. Now unto more links…

This makes up for the previous photo, right?

Intent To Blow – Mike Modano is turning into a joke, but he doesn’t care because he goes to bed with Willa Ford every night. See! See! I’m totally straight! I’m off to play some football. The American kind, not that sissy world kind. ARGH!

–Speaking of football (the sissy kind), BoF reader Rouven hasn’t been heard from since Germany lost. I’m kind of worried something happened.. are you still out there? Or did you just realize how much of a waste of time reading my rambings is, in which case, whatever, man.

–Speaking of football (the macho American kind), here’s another link:

Sports Illustrated – Calling out Brett Favre for his spoiled diva-like behavior. I totally agree every word.

Cowhide and Rubber – Kyle has a great take on why the Ilya contract was declined by the league when other similar deals were allowed. He compares it to a kid trying to push the limit until, finally, the parents have had enough. That’s one of the first things I thought of as well.

Down Goes Brown – DGB compares the NBA’s free agency to the NHL’s. The post itself is funny but the best moment is when DGB responds to comments from readers who questioned as to why an NBA player would need to know how to skate:

Down Goes Brown said…
True fact: In 50% of DGB posts, my favorite joke is hidden in the caption.

(The other 50% of the time it’s some obscure joke that only I’ll find funny, like it mattering whether an NBA player can skate.)

Well played.

2 For Boarding – This new blog written by Jared Clinton caught my eye this week. Good stuff so far, good enough that I’ve added it to my RSS reader.

Stay Classy – Kevin gathers quotes from around the league in reaction to the Kovalchuk signing. Like this one from Eklund:

“When I said the Islanders Kings were going to get Kovalchuk, I meant the Devils. Obviously.”

Bleedin’ Blue – A good take on why the Blues would be smart to lock up Erik Johnson right now. I agree.

Kings Cast – A hilarious and very well produced mini-documentary on the Kovalchuk saga (Days: 1 to 15).

The Rat Trick – As good as the above link was, this post where Frank shares some of the Florida Panthers’ most memorable moments from last season, may cause you even more laughter. There’s five moments:

1. David Booth getting concussed.
2. David Booth getting concussed.
3. David Booth getting concussed Keith Ballard trying to kill his own goalie.
4. Keith Ballard batting the puck into his own goal.
5. And lastly, Kenndal McArdle scoring his first NHL goal.

It’s like Sesame Street… “one of these things is not like the others…”

"He gave up on you, too, so please stop the foolishness."

Ball Don’t Lie – Not a hockey link, but an article that resulted in a facepalm from me.

Basically the author, Kelly Dwyer, mocks some elementary school kids for starting a lemonade stand to help Dan Gilbert pay off the fine for his “f*ck you LeBron” rant. Kelly’s main point is this:

Gilbert was one of the worst enablers in the run that has led to LeBron James’ current role as acting as one of the least self-aware, most self-absorbed entertainers we’ve ever seen. Gilbert allowed James’ inner circle, self-styled “representatives,” to run wild all over the Cavalier organization.

(Yes, because LeBron and his people are self-absorbed and out of touch with reality and  perception — and have been since they were probably, like, 12-years-old –  it’s Gilbert’s fault that LeBron has the ego he does.)

and…

That’s right. LeBron is so tactless, that Gilbert’s immaturity is coming off as heroic, and children have taken to setting up a lemonade stand in order to raise funds to help the Cavaliers’ multimillionaire pay off his fine. A fine that he’ll no doubt be able to pay off once the first of his community-crashing casinos open up just outside of the Cleveland area.

(Gilbert told fans who wanted to help him pay the fine to just donate it to chairty. But besides that, the “community-crashing casinos” comment just reeks of someone who lost his engagement ring money at a casino — hey, we’re all been there and done that, move on, man!)

and finishes with…

But, no, he’s “not a bad man.” I’m sure if Dan swung by your stand, he’d pay you at least a quarter. Maybe even full price. Then he’d sell your parents a predatory loan and point them in the direction of his new casino.

So sell on, young Molly. Because it’s good to have heroes. Even if you find them utterly appalling by the time you hit high school.

(You really schooled these 10-year-old kids, Kelly. Way to show them who’s the man!)

Yeah, facepalm worthy, indeed.

–Russian Machine Never Breaks – A communist link? I’m outraged. Just kidding, my name ain’t Paul Bissonnette. What’s on the other side here is a hilarious look at Kovalchuk’s Facebook updates.

–Did you hear that Marian Hossa got married? Here’s a picture that caught my eye:

I can’t be the only one who thinks they look like the villains in a James Bond film?

And the guy in the middle? You can’t tell me he’s not some hired henchman that’s going to sneak into Bond’s hotel room and try to take him out.

Am I right? Anybody?

–Did you hear that Henrik Zetterberg got married? He and his lovely bride chose a “Where’s Waldo?” themed wedding:

–Here’s another incredibly hot funny photo just because:

–Last night, Adrian Dater — you may remember him from previous posts like this one about the top goalies in the NHL — wrote on Twitter that he’s going to do a top 10 center list and wanted some input.

Off the top of my head, I came up with this:

Crosby, Malkin, Datsyuk, Backstrom, Toews, Getzlaf, Henrik, M. Richards (then toss-up: Kopi, Joe, E. Staal)

Well,  I completely forgot about Zetterberg (probably because he does play wing a lot), Vinny (two off years in a row) and Stamkos (still in show-me mode?).

Thinking back, I’d definitely put Zetterberg in and probably take Kopitar out since he is still in show-me mode as well.

Then there’s Kesler and Mikko Koivu (you may remember the latter from previous posts like this one where I went on and on about how much of a stretch his new contract is). Anyhoo, many people on Twitter last night had Koivu in their top 10 (lol, crazy, right? right?) and I made the point that if Koivu is in the top 10 then Kesler needs to be one spot ahead because he does everything Mikko does, only with more sandpaper.

Needless to say, I’m sure Wild fans wish me hell but the joke is on them ’cause they’re already there having to watch 82 Wild games. HA HA!

–That was mean. Wild fans are a pretty smart bunch and pretty cool. Unlike those bastard Nashiville Predator fans. ZING!

–So what do you guys think about the “+” part of the link post? Never reading another one with that symbol again, are you? Don’t blame ya!

–Time to wrap this puppy up and stuff my face with yummy goat cheese and beets. I may just start injecting the stuff into my veins.

–But before I ago, I must tell you that I changed my “bio” on Twitter to give off a more professional and important aura. After all, I am gunning for Bob McKenzie’s job at TSN. Maybe it’s time to put on a pair of pants as well.