Goodbye Yellow Brick Road

This is our ode to the individuals who will be leaving us (or, in the case of some, should be leaving us) now that the regular season has come to an end.

To set the mood for what you are about to read, Blades of Funny highly recommends that you play Elton John’s 1973 soft-rock smash hit Goodbye Yellow Brick Road prior to continuing. This is not mandatory, but it will enrich the lives of those who choose to go that route.

So without further adieu, let us salute the NHLers who will be calling it a career…

Goodbye, Mike Modano… May a retiree lifestyle provide you with more than enough time to spend time alongside your lovely wife, and also to better research the investments suggested to you by your financial advisor.

Goodbye, Keith Tkachuk… May you be at peace with your decision to retire, knowing that hotel managers in NHL cities can now finally get a good night’s sleep.

Goodbye, Mark Recchi… You indubitably have seen and heard so many things in your wonderful 1485-point career. We hope that experience will serve you well as you listen to out-of-shape radio jockeys debate your Hall of Fame worthiness for the next three decades.

Goodbye, Scott Niedermayer… Oh no, uh-uh. We’re not going to waste time coming up with something clever to write as you tease us, yet again, with your retirement flirtation.

Goodbye, Matieu Schneider… Unfortunately, with pictures of your mug no longer making the dailies, The Canadian Dental Association is going to be forced to allocate dollars for advertising. So that, umm, kind of sucks for them.

Goodbye, Rob Blake… In 1998, you inspired us by showing that miracles can happen. Oh yes, Rob, you certainly did. You showed us that one can harness enough Norris Trophy votes from eastern voters based solely on what they saw on morning highlight shows.

Goodbye, Doug Weight… Wait, what? You were still playing? Where???

Goodbye, Teemu Selanne… Even though you did not live up to the pace of 1400 career-goals that you teased us with after your rookie season, it was still one hell of a career. Except for that year in Colorado. And, well,  those years in San Jose were quite lame too. And, oh yeah, your rookie card never went up in value — in fact it dropped significantly. Bah, you suck Teemu!

Goodbye, Chris Chelios… “Thank you for finally putting an end to all those lame ageist jokes.” Signed, The Internet.

Goodbye, Jeff Finger… You were one hell of a negotiator. Thankfully, your self-consciousness got the best of you, and you decided to cut the charade short.

In lieu of flowers, these players ask that you subscribe to the Blades of Funny twitter feed instead.