Note: Not Really A Button

Yesterday, while we were driving back from a day at the zoo, my kids (5 and 4) came up with the groundwork for a holiday called “Fart Day”. The holiday would be held every September 2nd and one of the customs of Fart Day is when you see someone, you say “Happy Fart Day!”; to which the other person replies by sticking his butt out and making fart sounds.

Also, the day after “Fart Day” shall be known as “Stinky Day”.

I was quite proud of their creativity and I can certainly see them writing on here in the future.

Now let’s get on to some hockey talk (kinda)…

–If Roberto Luongo’s mind is as fragile as I believe it to be, how is he coping with the possibility of his mega-contract getting tossed out? I don’t care how much money you have or what reassuring words you’ve been told by management, when both the security and the $60 million you thought you had are being messed with, it can’t be all that pleasant.

Personally, I’d be a nervous wreck. Heck, even if the money was in my account, I’d still be a nervous wreck fearing someone would steal it. I don’t need or want that kind of stress (lie). I have enough sleepless nights worrying about small things like the monthly bills (not a lie). I can’t even imagine how I’d get any sleep knowing that some crooked bank teller could, at any moment, siphon millions of my dollars to some Eastern Bloc country. Yeah, I’d go straight-up Howard Hughes crazy.

Sign changed to: "Niemi Has No Balls"

–Sharks fans must be happy now that Antti Niemi is on board. I don’t really know how the move benefits Niemi though.

I assume the arbitration hearing (or as I like to call it: “reasons why you suck hearing”) and the subsequent dumping created hard feelings, which caused him to overlook any deficiencies in his new partner just so he could show-up his old partner.

Sort of like when you’re in your early 20′s and your ex-girlfriend dumps you after telling you how awful you are. Naturally, you go find the hottest girl you can just to show ‘em. In that situation, you tend to overlook certain things in your new partner… things like the rumors going around town that she’s a stripper, has a few addictions and is straight-up crazy. You don’t care about these things ’cause she’s a Presidents’ Trophy contender hot.

But eventually, like say when you’re at some strip club three towns over on a Tuesday night conversing with a 50-year-old man who’s missing a few teeth and wants to know what it’s like to hit that (“that” being your new mate who is dancing on stage), you start to rethink your life choices and eventually you get your mind straight.

Anyways, I don’t know if the Niemi thing is like that or not but it’ll be interesting to see how his career plays out from here.

–I want to do a season preview but I don’t think I have it in me to do team-by-team previews (30 posts). I’m thinking I’ll do a reverse ranking preview with 5 teams per post (so first post would be ranking teams 30 to 25). That will not only ease my workload but also allow me to make some ridiculous predictions and piss off a few people.

So yeah, get ready for team #30, the Tampa Bay Lightning, as I continue to hate on Steve Yzerman for no reason at all.

That’s a joke. They’ll actually be #29.

–If you’re excited for this, keep in mind that I’ll probably get lazy and stop after I get to team #23. So really, this “season preview feature” will just consist of 1.5 posts. HA! In your face, enthusiastic readers!

–If you’re a blogger and want to get accreditation, here’s a pretty good read by The Goalie Guild on the subject.

The chances of BoF getting accredited are about the same as that stripper in the story above becoming “marriage material”, but I did take away one point which I can use on BoF…

What is your own mission statement? Do you make it very clear that you are committed to covering your team in a professional and informative way? Or do you just randomly post sarcastic, sometimes derisive posts about the players and the way the team performs on the ice?

This got me thinking: what is the BoF mission statement?  After a few minutes, I came up with this gem:

ALWAYS. ACT. LIKE. A. JACKASS. (but do it in a good-natured way rather than an internet warrior way).

There you have it!

Close seconds…

Grammar: overrated like Jaroslav Halak; Facts: pffft, up yours!

and

It is my duty and that of this blog to show the world that I know more about hockey than Steve Yzerman and I shall not stop until the world acknowledges the fact that Yzerman is a fraud who has put a spell on the entire hockey media. Nothing you see on TV or read about, outside of this blog, which relates to the Lightning can be trusted. Ever. (Especially should stories or images come out next June that Tampa Bay has won the Stanley Cup.)

–As you’ve pretty much gathered from this post, there isn’t much in the way of hockey that I want to talk about. The Ilya Kovalchuk story is about as fun to write about at this point as I imagine the Coyotes story was last summer. So nah, not happening here.

–Speaking of the Coyotes, I must say that I wasn’t surprised that Ice Edge couldn’t close. When they set up their Twitter account and were joking around on it and acting like I would if I were put in such a situation, that pretty much told me they couldn’t be taken seriously.

–BizNasty is back on Twitter! Thanks to Justin Bourne for the heads up on that.

–A couple things regarding the site…

• I am going to formally adapt the moniker “Blades” from now on. This nickname was given to me by Kevin, so according to Man Rule #127 (which states that a man’s nickname can only be given to him by another man), it’s all kosher and on the up-and-up.
• I am going to play around with the site a bit and try to put in some more ads. This is on the request of my wife that I bring in more of that Google cash which she can then turn into cosmetics. *shrug*

–That’s all for today. I would apologize for the lack of actual hockey content in this post but I think you should be thanking me for not talking about the CBA and Ilya. So you’re welcome!

Don’t forget to follow me on Twitter. I haven’t tweeted much the last week, yet I still gained followers. That’s in contrast to when I do post frequently and end up losing followers. Weird, huh?

I haven’t done one of these in over 2 weeks. Judging by the few comments this feature elicits, I’m sure you guys have missed it greatly, so who am I do deprive you of this pleasure?

Wait a second, did you see the “[+]” in the title? That’s my brilliant way of giving you a heads up that there’s more to this post than just links.

I bet you’re hella excited and raring to go!

Here … we … go …

Puck Daddy – Greg eulogizes the Paul Bissonnette Twitter account aka @PaulBizNasty aka “the greatest fu*king thing to ever grace the internet”. (Editor’s note: that was the first time in the history of the world that “Paul Bissonnette” and the word “grace” were used in the same sentence.)

Zack Taylor – Whaaaat? A celebrity blog? Yes, my friends, one can never get enough of BizNasty and quotes like this:

“I am 100 percent straight. I don’t know what girls told you that. They are just trying to start a story because they are probably bitter over us kicking them out of our booth at XS Nightclub. As for the photo with that guy back in 2007 – He’s the ex-boyfriend of a girl I dated from Vancouver. We thought it would be funny to take a photo together. I’m not an insecure guy. I’m 100 percent straight… I enjoy banging broads haha!”

There’s also a mini-interview with him here, which includes some insight as to who gets BizNasty’s motor running:

Who his celebrity crush is to sleep with (since all hockey players these days seem to be hooking-up with actresses):

“We call those ‘celebrity kills’ in the dressing room. I think Megan Fox would be up there. She would be my number one.”

Of course, the main attraction in this link is seeing how BizNasty gets down while in Vegas:

Photo courtesy of ZackTaylor.ca

–A celebrity blog link, pictures of a dude in a thong; this probably isn’t a good time to let you guys know that I’m currently addicted to a salad. Not just any salad but a THE GREATEST SALAD KNOWN TO MAN EXIST.

You get some spinach, dress it up with some vinaigrette, add sliced beets, a handful of chopped walnuts and top it off with heaping amounts of goat cheese. It’s so good, I buy the stuff bulk at Costco ’cause I can’t get enough (except the canned beats since they don’t seem to carry those).

In a related note, my wife thinks I’m obsessed about this salad and possibly, just possibly, have more passion for it than anything or anybody.

You know what? She is right.

–Another thing I’ve been meaning to talk about: don’t you just hate it when you’re getting a pedicure and the person… I kid, I kid. My gayness ends at goat cheese salad and sharing pics of BizNasty’s butt muscles.

–See that’s what the “+” sign was for. You know you’re in store for great material when you see the “+” sign. Now unto more links…

This makes up for the previous photo, right?

Intent To Blow – Mike Modano is turning into a joke, but he doesn’t care because he goes to bed with Willa Ford every night. See! See! I’m totally straight! I’m off to play some football. The American kind, not that sissy world kind. ARGH!

–Speaking of football (the sissy kind), BoF reader Rouven hasn’t been heard from since Germany lost. I’m kind of worried something happened.. are you still out there? Or did you just realize how much of a waste of time reading my rambings is, in which case, whatever, man.

–Speaking of football (the macho American kind), here’s another link:

Sports Illustrated – Calling out Brett Favre for his spoiled diva-like behavior. I totally agree every word.

Cowhide and Rubber – Kyle has a great take on why the Ilya contract was declined by the league when other similar deals were allowed. He compares it to a kid trying to push the limit until, finally, the parents have had enough. That’s one of the first things I thought of as well.

Down Goes Brown – DGB compares the NBA’s free agency to the NHL’s. The post itself is funny but the best moment is when DGB responds to comments from readers who questioned as to why an NBA player would need to know how to skate:

Down Goes Brown said…
True fact: In 50% of DGB posts, my favorite joke is hidden in the caption.

(The other 50% of the time it’s some obscure joke that only I’ll find funny, like it mattering whether an NBA player can skate.)

Well played.

2 For Boarding – This new blog written by Jared Clinton caught my eye this week. Good stuff so far, good enough that I’ve added it to my RSS reader.

Stay Classy – Kevin gathers quotes from around the league in reaction to the Kovalchuk signing. Like this one from Eklund:

“When I said the Islanders Kings were going to get Kovalchuk, I meant the Devils. Obviously.”

Bleedin’ Blue – A good take on why the Blues would be smart to lock up Erik Johnson right now. I agree.

Kings Cast – A hilarious and very well produced mini-documentary on the Kovalchuk saga (Days: 1 to 15).

The Rat Trick – As good as the above link was, this post where Frank shares some of the Florida Panthers’ most memorable moments from last season, may cause you even more laughter. There’s five moments:

1. David Booth getting concussed.
2. David Booth getting concussed.
3. David Booth getting concussed Keith Ballard trying to kill his own goalie.
4. Keith Ballard batting the puck into his own goal.
5. And lastly, Kenndal McArdle scoring his first NHL goal.

It’s like Sesame Street… “one of these things is not like the others…”

"He gave up on you, too, so please stop the foolishness."

Ball Don’t Lie – Not a hockey link, but an article that resulted in a facepalm from me.

Basically the author, Kelly Dwyer, mocks some elementary school kids for starting a lemonade stand to help Dan Gilbert pay off the fine for his “f*ck you LeBron” rant. Kelly’s main point is this:

Gilbert was one of the worst enablers in the run that has led to LeBron James’ current role as acting as one of the least self-aware, most self-absorbed entertainers we’ve ever seen. Gilbert allowed James’ inner circle, self-styled “representatives,” to run wild all over the Cavalier organization.

(Yes, because LeBron and his people are self-absorbed and out of touch with reality and  perception — and have been since they were probably, like, 12-years-old –  it’s Gilbert’s fault that LeBron has the ego he does.)

and…

That’s right. LeBron is so tactless, that Gilbert’s immaturity is coming off as heroic, and children have taken to setting up a lemonade stand in order to raise funds to help the Cavaliers’ multimillionaire pay off his fine. A fine that he’ll no doubt be able to pay off once the first of his community-crashing casinos open up just outside of the Cleveland area.

(Gilbert told fans who wanted to help him pay the fine to just donate it to chairty. But besides that, the “community-crashing casinos” comment just reeks of someone who lost his engagement ring money at a casino — hey, we’re all been there and done that, move on, man!)

and finishes with…

But, no, he’s “not a bad man.” I’m sure if Dan swung by your stand, he’d pay you at least a quarter. Maybe even full price. Then he’d sell your parents a predatory loan and point them in the direction of his new casino.

So sell on, young Molly. Because it’s good to have heroes. Even if you find them utterly appalling by the time you hit high school.

(You really schooled these 10-year-old kids, Kelly. Way to show them who’s the man!)

Yeah, facepalm worthy, indeed.

–Russian Machine Never Breaks – A communist link? I’m outraged. Just kidding, my name ain’t Paul Bissonnette. What’s on the other side here is a hilarious look at Kovalchuk’s Facebook updates.

–Did you hear that Marian Hossa got married? Here’s a picture that caught my eye:

I can’t be the only one who thinks they look like the villains in a James Bond film?

And the guy in the middle? You can’t tell me he’s not some hired henchman that’s going to sneak into Bond’s hotel room and try to take him out.

Am I right? Anybody?

–Did you hear that Henrik Zetterberg got married? He and his lovely bride chose a “Where’s Waldo?” themed wedding:

–Here’s another incredibly hot funny photo just because:

–Last night, Adrian Dater — you may remember him from previous posts like this one about the top goalies in the NHL — wrote on Twitter that he’s going to do a top 10 center list and wanted some input.

Off the top of my head, I came up with this:

Crosby, Malkin, Datsyuk, Backstrom, Toews, Getzlaf, Henrik, M. Richards (then toss-up: Kopi, Joe, E. Staal)

Well,  I completely forgot about Zetterberg (probably because he does play wing a lot), Vinny (two off years in a row) and Stamkos (still in show-me mode?).

Thinking back, I’d definitely put Zetterberg in and probably take Kopitar out since he is still in show-me mode as well.

Then there’s Kesler and Mikko Koivu (you may remember the latter from previous posts like this one where I went on and on about how much of a stretch his new contract is). Anyhoo, many people on Twitter last night had Koivu in their top 10 (lol, crazy, right? right?) and I made the point that if Koivu is in the top 10 then Kesler needs to be one spot ahead because he does everything Mikko does, only with more sandpaper.

Needless to say, I’m sure Wild fans wish me hell but the joke is on them ’cause they’re already there having to watch 82 Wild games. HA HA!

–That was mean. Wild fans are a pretty smart bunch and pretty cool. Unlike those bastard Nashiville Predator fans. ZING!

–So what do you guys think about the “+” part of the link post? Never reading another one with that symbol again, are you? Don’t blame ya!

–Time to wrap this puppy up and stuff my face with yummy goat cheese and beets. I may just start injecting the stuff into my veins.

–But before I ago, I must tell you that I changed my “bio” on Twitter to give off a more professional and important aura. After all, I am gunning for Bob McKenzie’s job at TSN. Maybe it’s time to put on a pair of pants as well.

July 13th, 2010

To: Dan Gilbert
Cleveland Cavaliers
Cleveland, OH

Dearest Dan Gilbert,

I am writing this letter to offer you my fullest support in light of what has transpired the past week. If you are unfamiliar with me, I am commissioner of the National Hockey League. You may have heard about our organization before.

After reading your heartfelt letter addressing the fans of the Cleveland Cavaliers, I can tell that you are a man of principle; a man who values loyalty and doing what’s right above all else.

You and I share these things in common, Mr. Gilbert.

I for one have been fighting the fight of my life to save the Phoenix Coyotes from pulling a LeBron of their own. Evil men have been trying to lure the team away from its roots in Arizona. Some have even wanted to replant the franchise in Winnipeg.  I’m sure you’d agree that such a move would be an egregious act to lay on the loyal hockey fans in Phoenix.

I’m certain that as a fellow human being who values doing what’s right over money and common sense, you will jump at the opportunity to correct this injustice.

With this in mind, I am offering you an opportunity to purchase the Phoenix Coyotes. You, my good sir, can continue your crusade for justice in sports by taking the role of white knight in the Phoenix hockey community.

Here are a few selling points on why hockey is the sport for you:

• Self-promotion is a vice that we have never suffered from. To demonstrate this, we are fully prepared to bar our players from further participation in the Olympic Winter Games.
  
• You’ll never have to worry about any of our athletes appearing on ESPN. If they do choose to appear on a network, it’ll be Versus, and if they appear on Versus, do they REALLY appear? I think you and I both know the answer to that one.
• As you’ll find out when you become an NHL owner, the use of wacky fonts in correspondence is very commonplace. BRIAN BURKE LOVES USING THE “IMPACT” FONT. Glen Sather always uses “Broadway BT”. And then there’s Darryl Sutter who just communicates by drawing stuff…



• Do you hate it when one of your restricted free agents gets an offer sheet? You don’t have to worry about that in our game. Which reminds me, I need to make a phone call to Doug Wilson after I finish up here.
  
• Jesse Jackson has never once voiced his displeasure with the NHL. Not because we have very few African-American athletes, but rather because our league just doesn’t provide enough of a public platform for him to bother us.
• The only vocal person you should be concerned with in our game is Don Cherry. If you do get on his bad side, however, just make a joke about French-Canadians or Europeans and you’ll be fine.

You have given so much and deserve much more than the sport of basketball has given you, Mr. Gilbert. If you buy the Phoenix Coyotes and join our hockey family…

I PERSONALLY GUARANTEE THAT THE PHOENIX COYOTES WILL WIN THE STANLEY CUP

You can take it to the bank. Just ask the hockey fans in Vancouver or Detroit, I have the power to make things happen.

So how about it, Mr. Gilbert? Can I call you Danny, btw?

Let’s put an end to narcissism and shameful actions in the sports world togehter.

Signed,
Gary B. Bettman
Commissioner, National Hockey League

P.S.  In your letter you wrote:

Some people think they should go to heaven but NOT have to die to get there.

Sorry, but that’s simply not how it works.

This is news to me. Can you please clarify. Call me:  1-800-GARY-BETTS.

Since the season ended, Blades of Funny has had insiders who were inside (thus the name) meetings involving each team’s management. Here are some choice quotes we overheard general managers saying…

Anaheim Ducks: “Hey, if we can’t sign Bobby Ryan, let’s just stick a #9 jersey on Matt Beleskey and tell people that Bobby had to change his name again.” – Bob Murray

Yes, Rick "Natural Man" Dudley does have a record.

Atlanta Thrashers: “You see those pictures behind me. The subjects in those photos are Stan Bowman and his secretary, Jessica. These photos, gentlemen, hold the key to our off-season.” – Rick Dudley

Boston Bruins: “Let me call Burkie and work some of my magic on him to see what he’ll give us in return for a hockey player who can’t count to 10 without focusing to the extreme.” – Peter Chiarelli

Buffalo Sabres: “It’s that time of the year, again. Let’s do what we always do, which is… nothing.” – Darcy Regier

Calgary Flames: “Hey, did you guys see how Lamoriello brought Arnott back to Jersey? I like that. In fact, I like that so much that I’m going to one-up him.” – Darryl Sutter

Carolina Hurricanes: “Rod Brind’Amour retired. Meeting adjourned. Enjoy your summer, guys.” – Jim Rutherford

Chicago Blackhawks: “F*ck! F*ck! F*ck! Motherf*ck!” – Stan Bowman

Colorado Avalanche: “Okay guys, last year we drafted Duchene and O’Reilly. They turned out well. In fact, they turned out so well that we’ll have to spend big bucks to retain them, so let’s tone things down this year. Let’s see … probable 2nd rounders … 3rd rounders … I got it! Joey Hishon! He’s our guy!” – Greg Sherman

Columbus Blue Jackets: “I forgot how good the food is at the draft. The last few years Hitch always ate everything before we even got there.  However, instead of eating, we probably should have paid closer attention to the prospects. Turns out Ryan Johansen isn’t a defenseman.” – Scott Howson

Dallas Stars: “Will somebody please go outside and tell Modano that the season is over and he can go home. He’s been hanging outside my office since spring. Awwwwkwwwward!” – Joe Nieuwendyk

Detroit Red Wings: “Will somebody please go outside and tell Modano that we’re not interested. He’s been hanging outside my office since Nieuwendyk kicked him out of Dallas.” – Ken Holland

Edmonton Oilers: “You guys are doing a fantastic job. Our youth movement is drawing comparisons to the Oilers of the 80′s. Now all we need is a Gretzky, a Messier, a Coffey and a Fuhr.” – Steve Tambellini

Florida Panthers: “As you can see by what’s happening in Chicago, I build my teams to self-destruct after I leave. Let this be a warning to those of you that want to play petty office politics with me.” – Dale Tallon

Los Angeles Kings: “F*cking Russians. From Frolov to Kovalchuk, they can all go to hell.” – Dean Lombardi

Modano: "I'll even play baseball. Just sign me!"

Minnesota Wild: “Hey, is that Mike Modano outside my office?” – Chuck Fletcher

Montreal Canadiens: “The future of the Montreal Canadiens now rests on Carey Price’s shoulders. … Hey, guys? … Hey? … What are you all doing? … Are those resumes you’re all faxing? ” – Pierre Gauthier

Nashville Predators: “Gentlemen, I bring great news! Hockey is FINALLY catching on in Nashville! I just came back from the coffee shop where I overheard two women having a conversation that involved the word ‘hockey’. Something about Carrie Underwood is marrying a HOCKEY player. This is a breakthrough! A BREAKTHROUGH!” – David Poile

New Jersey Devils: “Grrr.” – Lou Lamoriello

New York Islanders: “You guys won’t believe the story I planted in the media today. Check out this Darren Dreger tweet. ROFLMAO!” – Garth Snow

New York Rangers: “I don’t care how much it costs, get me a f*ckin’ enforcer with a cool nickname. That’s what I want this summer! Waaaaaaa! Waaaaaaa!” – Glen Sather

Ottawa Senators: “Sh*t! It says here that contract offers do NOT have to be sent out at exactly noon on July 1st. We DID have time to proofread.” – Bryan Murray

Philadelphia Flyers: “Okay, I acquired Nabokov for a few days. All those ‘Holmgren needs to get a real goalie’  people can now shut the f*ck up.” – Paul Holmgren

Phoenix Coyotes: “Just got off the phone with Gary. He told me that any signing over $1,000,000 is coming out of our personal pockets.” – Don Maloney

Pittsburgh Penguins: “Crosby looked pissed after our season ended. We better do something or he’ll have us killed.” – Ray Shero

San Jose Sharks: “First things first: which one of you bastards googled ‘doug wilson’s hot daughter‘ on the office computer?” – Doug Wilson

St. Louis Blues: “OH CRAP! Have any of you looked at Halak’s stats? He’s only had one good year… and he only played like 40 games… like, what the hell, man? I thought he was like Dryden and Roy combined.” – Doug Armstrong

Tampa Bay Lightning: “So it’s finalized: 15 minutes prior to each press conference, I will stand at the podium and the media will be let in and proceed to tell me how much they want to suck my di*k. After which, I will sign autographs for each of them. Gosh, maybe if I was named LeBron, I’d enjoy all this ego stroking.” – Steve Yzerman

Toronto Maple Leafs: “You guys handle the off-season stuff for me this year. I have a parade outfit to pick out.” – Brian Burke

Vancouver Canucks: “Soooo… this is a little awkward… when Naslund was my client, I sort of, um, lost a bet to him…  and so if I ever became a GM, I would have to, um, retire his…” – Mike Gillis

Washington Capitals: “We have a good team, right? No, we have a GREAT team, right? We don’t need to do anything, right?  … Varlamov and Neuvirth will do just fine, right? … Alex? … Alex? … Alex, you still there, Alex?” – George McPhee

As always, follow BoF on Twitter for more fun.

(Quite frankly, life is not all about jokes. Some articles call for serious thought, and this, my friends, is one of those articles. Think of this as my Adam Sandler moment — after bombing in Little Nicky, I unload Punch-Drunk Love unto the world. It’s going to be bad. That being said…enjoy! )

– Before I start blowing your mind with my thoughts on the hockey world, let me first welcome all the new Blades of Funny readers who are joining us after the mega-successful high school post.  Fist bump!

–Let me start with the Blackhawks-Canucks series. You know why the Hawks won? Because they are the better team. They skate better, they score better, they play defense better, and they play the physical game better. Sure, they have their brain farts due to their age, but when they’re on, they’re lethal.

–With that said, let’s tear down the Canucks. I’m not saying that I’m a better coach than Alain Vigneault — I’d probably do some rash things after Game 4 like send O’Brien out to Bertuzzi Dustin Byfuglien, bench Luongo in favor of Raycroft, call up 1/2 my AHL team, and stab Mike Gillis multiple times for assembling this D-core — but even I would start 7 defensemen if one of them had a testicle injury.

–One thing I don’t get about the Canucks is why they don’t deploy a more defensive system (their defensive play was almost Caps-like in the Hawks series…almost). If you have a goalie in Luongo that’s supposed to be elite then why not optimize his talent with a sound defensive strategy. The way they do things now is comparable to a 60-year-old man who has a smokin’ hot 20-year-old trophy wife but doesn’t fill his viagra prescription. Not the best use of the assets at your disposal.

–It’s now safe to say that comparisons of Luongo to Brodeur and Roy were premature. Comparisons of Halak to Dryden and Roy, also premature.

–I’ve heard some people compare the Canucks to the Sharks. While they no doubt stole Luongo via trade, they still have a long ways to go to match the Sharks trifecta of thievery in acquiring Thornton, Heatley, and Boyle.

–Is there a better defensive pairing in the league than Keith-Seabrook? NO!

–I was never much of a Habs fan but it’s hard not to get behind this team. Oh my gawd, did I just write that? WTF IS HAPPENING???

–PK Subban. That’s what’s happening. He even makes the Habs cool.

–Enough playoff talk. Let’s talk about the Coyotes ownership issue. <yawn>Let’s not.</yawn>

–Let’s talk about Olli Jokinen instead (he so funny). There were rumors that he’s jumping to the KHL, which got me thinking about who else might do the same. My money is on Alexander Ovechkin Frolov. I read that his agent wants $5 million a season. So yeah, Siberia sounds about right.

–Sticking with the Jokinen theme. You could say that Darryl Sutter traded Matthew Lombardi, Michael Cammalleri, and the 13th overall pick in this years draft for Ales Kotalik. You could say that, though Darryl Sutter probably doesn’t want you to.

–Something I heard on the radio this week: I think I was listening to a Vancouver station when the host said the Flames franchise is in much better shape than the Oilers. The argument he used to make his point was that the Oilers have the 1st overall pick, Jordan Eberle and not much else, whereas the Flames almost made the playoffs.

[FACEPALM]

At this point I think I’d take the 1st overall pick + Eberle +  Magnus Paajarvi-Svensson (thank you, Google!) + Hemsky + Penner who showed improvement this year + Sam Gagner over an aging team with no real blue chip prospects besides, maybe, Backlund.

Over the next year or two the Flames should be the better team, but the Oilers future is much brighter in my humble opinion.

–Still on the Oilers front, I think they should draft Tayor Hall. I base this on nothing more than the hype that’s always surrounded him. In my opinion that makes him the safer pick of the two. Scouts may scoff at my reasoning but let’s pick a random draft…hmmm…1999.

Patrik Stefan went #1, Sedins went #2 and #3. Now, I don’t remember what the hype was 2 years prior to that draft, but I imagine two red-haired Swedish hockey-playing twins must have garnered more attention than Stefan. My point is proven. Fire your scouts and monitor internet buzz instead.

–Speaking of prospects, I had a talk with a buddy of mine who’s a Leafs fan. He kept talking about Kadri this and Kadri that. How Kadri lit up the OHL, how Kadri will be dynamite with Kessel, and how Kadri will lead the Leafs to the playoffs.

Jiri Tlusty popped into my head but I decided to spare him the pain. Instead, I told him that the progress of Schenn and Phaneuf’s ability to regain his 07-08 form is what holds the key to the 2010-11 Leafs. He just replied: “Kadri?…Kadri?…KADRI!!!”

–The most humorous thing about the playoffs is flip-flopping fans\media. Each win is met with unbridled optimism, each loss renews calls for the end is nigh.

–Remember in the last Serious Thoughts post I wrote about my man-crush on Justin from Bourne’s Blog? Well, sad to report that things ended up kind of messy on that front.

Big news on the Twitter front: 500 FOLLOWERS! Many said it couldn’t be done but I proved them wrong. My latest scheme to get followers involves using religion as evidenced by this tweet I sent out last night: