No intro to this today. Instead, get ready to laugh your butt off at my expense…

–Rink Side Rants – You know what’s really hard? Talking on the radio. I kid you not, I shall never ever in my life make fun of anybody who says something dumb on the radio.

If you’re curious as to why I’m making such a proclamation, this link will take you to my podcasting debut and let me tell you, it’s just one big pile of awkwardness. A grown man in his 30′s should never use the words “like” and “and that” and “right?” back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back in every sentence. But that’s one of the side effects when you ramble on in order to stall for time because you’re nervous and your mind is a blank. Surprisingly, a panic attack is not conducive to articulating things and getting your thoughts in order.

It was a blur, man. I refuse to listen to the first 10 minutes of the show as I think I broke down laughing at one point and frankly, I don’t want to relive that again!

In my defense, it was my first time and two things really threw me off at first: 1) talking into dead air felt really weird, and 2) unlike a real life conversation dynamic, you have to stop talking for a couple seconds so the others now you’re done before they jump in. This is something brand new to me as I’m used to my wife jumping in and cutting me off before I can finish any point I’m trying to make. Now I know why she does it! This would also explain why at the beginning I rambled on and on about Kovalchuk, repeating the same point, and from god-know-where came up with a $150m contract offer. Lol! But yeah, I think I settled in as the show progressed (right? right? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, JUST AGREE!!!). I’m pretty sure if I do 25 more shows like this, I won’t sound like I *just* escaped from a mental hospital. Hahaha.

Anyhoo, thanks to Tim from Sabres Noise and Frank from The Rat Trick for having me. If I did one thing for their show, it’s that I made them sound like seasoned pros!

–Funny story about the podcast:

I told my wife about it earlier in the week and didn’t make it seem like a big deal. Y’know, being the pro that I am.

After the show was over, I went upstairs and she asked me how it went. I just looked at her and broke down laughing. Then she started laughing. We both laughed for like a good hour.

–If you’re laughing right now, you’re a jerk!

–Puck Daddy – This piece started a huge debate about bloggers getting accreditation. I actually prefer if the bloggers I follow are independent and 100% free to express their opinions without any accountability to the entity which they are talking about. That’s the biggest thing which differentiates blogs from the rest of the mainstream media, in my opinion.

Now, don’t take that to mean that I think bloggers don’t have accountability because they do. Their readers hold them accountable and the ones who go off the deep end are quickly weeded out (like for example:  if some jackass blogger does a podcast and sounds like an idiot, you’d never read his blog again, right?).

–Whatever your opinion on this topic, you’ve got to really admire someone like Greg Wyshynski (Puck Daddy), who straddles the blogger/mainstream line while being respected by both sides and maintaining his edge, humor and unbridled opinion. That’s a hard thing to pull off. It’s even harder to pull off when you’re a blogger in a bubble covering a specific team.

–Cowhide and Rubber – Kyle also wrote a great piece on the old media vs. new media thing. The canned quotes you get from players before and after the game don’t really add much to the conversation, yet they’re probably the biggest thing that old media has over new media (the ability to get them first). In reality, 95% of the time those quotes don’t matter. What matters is a writer’s opinion and unique insight, which many times an accredited member of the media may possess but, for one reason or another, can’t share.

–You’re still laughing at the podcast? YOU BASTARD!

–The Rat Trick – The Florida Panthers are going with a “party” theme this season; complete with a party supply company sponsorship, which is the reason for this festive decor in the arena:

Clearly, this was inspired by decorations used for the school dance I attended when I was in the 8th grade. Ah yes, that fateful 8th grade dance. To think the podcast almost dethroned it as my life’s most awkward moment. Almost, but not quite.

–Stay Classy – Kevin looks at some of the significant points of the RDO Camp held last week and how they pertain to the prospects who where used as guinea pigs. An excerpt…

The New York Islanders intend to hire Mike Milbury to serve as a special advisor to their scouting team during the event. The Islanders staff will ask Milbury who he would trade in order to rank the top talent.

–Down Goes Brown - DGB has a behind-the-scenes look at Brian Burke’s day as he tries to move Kaberele before his NTC kicks in. An excerpt…

5:25 p.m. – The Detroit Red Wings express some interest in acquiring Kaberle, but eventually decide that now isn’t the time for a youth movement.

–Intent To Blow – Kovy signs, Devils submit same contract with birth certificate claiming he is 4 years younger. I can see this actually happening in the KHL.

–Discard What You Don’t Need -  Jason takes a look at EA Sport’s NHL 11 demo, complete with funny commentary.

–I’m just rattling these off in rapid-fire style so I can go find a cave and just chill while your laughter subsides. YOU BASTARD!

–Habs Laughs – They found Pierre Gauthier’s Blackberry and are now posting excerpts of what’s on it. Like this one, which features Pierre informing Sergei Kostitsyn he’s been traded…

Text to 514-174-7474- Sergei K
Good news Sergei! We’re trading you!

Text from: 514-747-7474- Sergei K
Da?

Text to 514-174-7474- Sergei K
What?

Text from 514-174-7474- Sergei K
I trade?

Text to 514-174-7474- Sergei K
Yes! I e-mailed like 50 teams and I managed to squeeze Dustin Boyd an

Text from 514-174-7474- Sergei K
What?

Text to 514-174-7474- Sergei K
D Dan Ellis from Nashville! You’re heading to Nashville!

Text to 514-174-7474- Sergei K
That first one wasn’t finished did you get the second one?

Text from 514-174-7474- Sergei K
Ver is Nahville?

Text to 514-174-7474- Sergei K
Why are you texting with an accent?

Text from 514-174-7474- Sergei K
I trade? Yes?

Text to 514-174-7474- Sergei K
YES! To Nashville. For Dustin Boyd and Dan Ellis.

Text from 514-174-7474- Sergei K
Dey not superstars. I worth more. You lose.

Text to 514-174-7474- Sergei K
No Sergei…I win.

Okay, that’s all for today! Don’t forget to follow me on Twitter. Oh, and if any of you know someone who specializes in hacking online radio companies and erasing podcasts, I may be interested in speaking to such a person. Have a good weekend.  I’m off to enroll in broadcasting school.

Just a heads up: this post is set to auto-publish on Friday morning as I’m off on a weekend trip with the family (broadcasting classes don’t start until Monday). Thus, don’t think I’m ignoring you in the comments. I’ll be back Sunday night to check in.

Since the season ended, Blades of Funny has had insiders who were inside (thus the name) meetings involving each team’s management. Here are some choice quotes we overheard general managers saying…

Anaheim Ducks: “Hey, if we can’t sign Bobby Ryan, let’s just stick a #9 jersey on Matt Beleskey and tell people that Bobby had to change his name again.” – Bob Murray

Yes, Rick "Natural Man" Dudley does have a record.

Atlanta Thrashers: “You see those pictures behind me. The subjects in those photos are Stan Bowman and his secretary, Jessica. These photos, gentlemen, hold the key to our off-season.” – Rick Dudley

Boston Bruins: “Let me call Burkie and work some of my magic on him to see what he’ll give us in return for a hockey player who can’t count to 10 without focusing to the extreme.” – Peter Chiarelli

Buffalo Sabres: “It’s that time of the year, again. Let’s do what we always do, which is… nothing.” – Darcy Regier

Calgary Flames: “Hey, did you guys see how Lamoriello brought Arnott back to Jersey? I like that. In fact, I like that so much that I’m going to one-up him.” – Darryl Sutter

Carolina Hurricanes: “Rod Brind’Amour retired. Meeting adjourned. Enjoy your summer, guys.” – Jim Rutherford

Chicago Blackhawks: “F*ck! F*ck! F*ck! Motherf*ck!” – Stan Bowman

Colorado Avalanche: “Okay guys, last year we drafted Duchene and O’Reilly. They turned out well. In fact, they turned out so well that we’ll have to spend big bucks to retain them, so let’s tone things down this year. Let’s see … probable 2nd rounders … 3rd rounders … I got it! Joey Hishon! He’s our guy!” – Greg Sherman

Columbus Blue Jackets: “I forgot how good the food is at the draft. The last few years Hitch always ate everything before we even got there.  However, instead of eating, we probably should have paid closer attention to the prospects. Turns out Ryan Johansen isn’t a defenseman.” – Scott Howson

Dallas Stars: “Will somebody please go outside and tell Modano that the season is over and he can go home. He’s been hanging outside my office since spring. Awwwwkwwwward!” – Joe Nieuwendyk

Detroit Red Wings: “Will somebody please go outside and tell Modano that we’re not interested. He’s been hanging outside my office since Nieuwendyk kicked him out of Dallas.” – Ken Holland

Edmonton Oilers: “You guys are doing a fantastic job. Our youth movement is drawing comparisons to the Oilers of the 80′s. Now all we need is a Gretzky, a Messier, a Coffey and a Fuhr.” – Steve Tambellini

Florida Panthers: “As you can see by what’s happening in Chicago, I build my teams to self-destruct after I leave. Let this be a warning to those of you that want to play petty office politics with me.” – Dale Tallon

Los Angeles Kings: “F*cking Russians. From Frolov to Kovalchuk, they can all go to hell.” – Dean Lombardi

Modano: "I'll even play baseball. Just sign me!"

Minnesota Wild: “Hey, is that Mike Modano outside my office?” – Chuck Fletcher

Montreal Canadiens: “The future of the Montreal Canadiens now rests on Carey Price’s shoulders. … Hey, guys? … Hey? … What are you all doing? … Are those resumes you’re all faxing? ” – Pierre Gauthier

Nashville Predators: “Gentlemen, I bring great news! Hockey is FINALLY catching on in Nashville! I just came back from the coffee shop where I overheard two women having a conversation that involved the word ‘hockey’. Something about Carrie Underwood is marrying a HOCKEY player. This is a breakthrough! A BREAKTHROUGH!” – David Poile

New Jersey Devils: “Grrr.” – Lou Lamoriello

New York Islanders: “You guys won’t believe the story I planted in the media today. Check out this Darren Dreger tweet. ROFLMAO!” – Garth Snow

New York Rangers: “I don’t care how much it costs, get me a f*ckin’ enforcer with a cool nickname. That’s what I want this summer! Waaaaaaa! Waaaaaaa!” – Glen Sather

Ottawa Senators: “Sh*t! It says here that contract offers do NOT have to be sent out at exactly noon on July 1st. We DID have time to proofread.” – Bryan Murray

Philadelphia Flyers: “Okay, I acquired Nabokov for a few days. All those ‘Holmgren needs to get a real goalie’  people can now shut the f*ck up.” – Paul Holmgren

Phoenix Coyotes: “Just got off the phone with Gary. He told me that any signing over $1,000,000 is coming out of our personal pockets.” – Don Maloney

Pittsburgh Penguins: “Crosby looked pissed after our season ended. We better do something or he’ll have us killed.” – Ray Shero

San Jose Sharks: “First things first: which one of you bastards googled ‘doug wilson’s hot daughter‘ on the office computer?” – Doug Wilson

St. Louis Blues: “OH CRAP! Have any of you looked at Halak’s stats? He’s only had one good year… and he only played like 40 games… like, what the hell, man? I thought he was like Dryden and Roy combined.” – Doug Armstrong

Tampa Bay Lightning: “So it’s finalized: 15 minutes prior to each press conference, I will stand at the podium and the media will be let in and proceed to tell me how much they want to suck my di*k. After which, I will sign autographs for each of them. Gosh, maybe if I was named LeBron, I’d enjoy all this ego stroking.” – Steve Yzerman

Toronto Maple Leafs: “You guys handle the off-season stuff for me this year. I have a parade outfit to pick out.” – Brian Burke

Vancouver Canucks: “Soooo… this is a little awkward… when Naslund was my client, I sort of, um, lost a bet to him…  and so if I ever became a GM, I would have to, um, retire his…” – Mike Gillis

Washington Capitals: “We have a good team, right? No, we have a GREAT team, right? We don’t need to do anything, right?  … Varlamov and Neuvirth will do just fine, right? … Alex? … Alex? … Alex, you still there, Alex?” – George McPhee

As always, follow BoF on Twitter for more fun.

Just like your favorite musicians, NHL GMs also have peculiar requests when setting up shop abroad. Take a look at some of the items that  general managers have requested for the upcoming NHL draft:

Boston Bruins GM Peter Chiarelli requested that his table be stocked with gifts that he can hand over to Brian Burke every 15 minutes on Friday…

George McPhee hopes that the custom-made milk cartons he requested will help aid in his search for a Russian who went missing in April…

Steve Tambellini was pressured by the city to bring thousands of these Edmonton Tourism pamphlets to distribute around the arena, since Friday will be the first time in 20 years that Edmonton actually matters…

Blackhawks GM Stan Bowman requested an eye-catching banner which he plans to park a bunch of his players under in hopes of enticing other GMs…

Since May, Canucks GM Mike Gillis won’t go anywhere without his dart board, so naturally this was his only request…

With lots of time to kill on Friday, Brian Burke requested his table be stocked with something that he can use to keep himself busy, and still make himself the center of attention…

Panthers GM Dale Tallon requested the services of the Travelocity gnome for his table. We believe he needs assistance to coordinate the massive exodus of dead weight out of Florida…

Lou Lamoriello requested a table up front and a case of projectiles which he can throw on stage whenever another team drafts a player he wanted…

Looks like Calgary Flames fans doctored their team’s rider with the hopes of giving Darryl Sutter something productive to do during the first round, rather than him using that time to make “schrewd” Darryl Sutter moves…

Finally, on the heels of trading Halak and giving Plekanec a 6 year term at $5 million per, it’s little wonder that the Montreal Canadiens requested what they requested…

More Blades of Funny available on Twitter. 657 followers can’t be wrong (even if half are marketers of enlargement pills).

I know I have not been posting many any humor posts lately but bear with me. I never want to force those things so for now you’ll be getting a big dose of these “Serious Thoughts” pieces.

"I'd rather be in Montreal"

–Being a hockey geek, I did know who Lars Eller was prior to yesterday. Still, my initial reaction to the Halak trade was: “that’s it?” But the more I thought about it, the more I laughed the traded started to grow on me.

There is a surplus of middle-of-the-pack goaltending in the league right now and as good as Halak was for a stretch in the playoffs, he’s far from anything other than a middle-of-the-pack goalie right now. Besides saving $2-$3m in cap space by going with Price, getting a 1st rounder who is ready to step in next season isn’t a bad trade-off.

Only time can show us the true colors of this trade. For instance, if Eller turns out to be a first-liner and Carey plays up to his potential, then Habs fans will no longer want to lynch Gauthier (even if Halak wins a Vezina). The latter is a big “if” though. However…

From Dryden to this...

–Everyone (myself included) makes fun of Carey Price, and if you didn’t know better, judging by the jokes you’d think he’s the equivalent of Toskala. That’s far from the truth. He’s only 22 and when he matures, he’ll do fine, in my opinion. Let’s also take into account the added confidence he should get from not having to look over his shoulder all the time. I would have chosen Price over Halak too.

–That said, initially I was surprised that the trade wasn’t something like Eller/Backes for Halak/2nd rounder. But like I mentioned earlier,  the goalie availability right now around the league probably would have made the addition of Backes unrealistic.

–Lars Eller, PK Subban and Carey Price. Not a bad young forward/defenseman/goalie combination. Habs fans shouldn’t be on suicide watch (at least not until next year depending on how Carey plays).

–I read about a Jason Spezza to the Oilers rumor. I think he’d be a nice fit in Edmonton but Ottawa would be crazy to deal another “star” for a mix of middle-of-the-pack NHLers. If they do, the Sens are like that bad fantasy GM who always trades his best player for depth. That guy never wins anything.

–Say what you want about Spezza’s contract or his defensive play but point-a-game players don’t grow on trees. If you trade him, then you’d better get something other than a couple of guys who max out at 50 points a year.

–I’m still highly curious about what Kaberle will fetch in a trade. I can’t believe some of the rumors (like Jeff Carter) are realistic. If Burke pulls that off then my jaw will hit the floor.

Mr. Smooth

–Dion Phaneuf came off as cool and confident during his captain speech as I did during an 8th grade dance. Only difference was that I couldn’t pounded the living s**t out of those that made fun of me.

–Kessel, Kadri, Dion, Schenn. Pretty good young core if they all play to their potential.  Certainly, the Leafs are much better off right now than when Brian took over.

–Early predictions for next year from yours truly:

Top 3 seeds  in the West: Blackhawks, Kings, Canucks

Top 3 seeds in the East: Capitals, Penguins, Bruins

Team to take the biggest fall in West: Coyotes

Team to take the biggest fall in East: Devils

Back to the playoffs in West: Blues

Back to the playoffs in East: Toronto? It’s hard to be confident about any of the 7 teams that didn’t make the post-season in the East, no?

I’ll do another one of these in September based on the movement in the next 3 months.

–Did any of you catch the NBA Finals? Pretty good series. I loved Ron Artest thanking his psychiatrist in the post-game interview. I really like the guy. Sure, he’s a little crazy but Ron comes off very genuine. I hated Rodman because he came off like a marketing gimmick. Ron just seems like a good guy.

–My World Cup team Argentina is 2-0 now with two impressive showings. My wife’s Brazil team looked shaky vs. North Korea but, sadly, still won. I haven’t watched every game (hard to wake up early for Honduras/Chilie), but the Spain-Switzerland game was probably my favorite one not involving Maradona’s squad.

–Even if you don’t like baseball, take the time to watch Stephen Strasburg pitch (he has a start tonight). It’s sick how well he can throw. Since words can’t do it justice, watch this (the break on the pitch at the 0:50 mark is insane):

[Edit: Looks like the YouTube video got deleted.]