NFL 2010: The Most Entertaining Season Ever?

I’ll spare you the excuses as to why I didn’t post in a quite a while. Let’s just say I didn’t feel like it. Okay, with that bit of awkwardness out of the way, here are some quick thoughts on the world of hockey and sports.

–I love hockey but this year’s NFL season will go down as the most entertaining season I’ve ever witnessed in any sport. It’s been fascinating to follow. That said, last year’s NHL playoffs were one of the best ones in a long time. Add to that the Miami Heat and LeBron rejuvenating the NBA somewhat and baseball rebounding from the steroid era with a good crop of pitchers and young players coming up. It’s like a golden year for sports in North America so it’s safe to assume we’ll be seeing lockout after lockout in the near future.

–You know what I find funny? Grown ups complaining and mocking the NHL Guardian project. It’s obviously marketing towards kids and kids go nuts for stupid shit. Sure toys these days are pretty weird (wtf is a Bakugan?) but it’s no weirder than a prince transforming himself into warrior and riding his tiger to battle a skeleton. But let’s be honest He-Man rocked our world, so maybe some gullible kid in California will find “The King” totally awesome and beg his parents to go to an NHL and BOOM! New fan!

Jem: Possibly the reason why Tranny Porn is so popular these days!

–Speaking of old time cartoons… GI Joe and Transformers rocked. I also was a big fan of Duck Tales and of M.A.S.K., the latter of which never reached much popularity. And don’t tell anyone this, but I did have a secret crush on Jem because, well, she was truly outrageous!

–I still haven’t seen the final episode of HBO’s 24/7 but the show was pretty cool. I thought Matt Cooke came off great which is still a shock to write into words.  This creates the scary possibility that everything we believe about this universe could be wrong.

–Loved Sid on the show, too.  However, Ovechkin doesn’t really seem to me like the same guy from two years ago. He just came off more shy and reserved than I expected. You can kind of tell that he doesn’t really enjoy North America and feels more comfortable in the Motherland. In contrast, and what was another surprise to me, Malkin seemed much more fun than I imagined him to be (not that I spend my time imagining how much fun Malkin is… alright, I do).

–The Bruce Boudreau f-bomb thing was kind of overplayed. I watched the first episode a few days after it aired and prior to watching it, I read some reviews of it on the blogs and it made it seem like Boudreau had a meltdown. Really, though, it’s just a guy who likes to swear. Nothing wrong with that. We all know someone like that. Hell, when I’m in a bad mood, I’m probably like that.

–This is really funny. In 1974, a Cleveland Browns fan complains to the team about people throwing paper airplanes in his section. He then gets a response from the team’s general counsel. Makes me wish we were still back in a time before political correctness took over our world. Then again, I’m neither ethnic, gay or a woman so I may have a romanticized view of the old days.

–Speaking of anti-political correctness stuff, the Russian junior team lived up to every Vladimir Sharapov stereotype, and it was awesome!

–This Intent To Blow post is from December 21st and plays off the Thrashers publicity stunt with their mascot from a month back but it’s probably my favorite work they’ve done to date. Go read it (but go read about the actual publicity stunt first if you have no clue what I’m talking about, here’s a link for that because I know you’re too lazy to find it yourself and will probably get sidetracked at some porn site).

–I don’t know if you guys heard but Jets cornerback Antonio Cromartie expressed his hatred of Tom Brady to the media. I was debating whether to bet on the Patriots -9.5 but after those comments, I think it’s a fairly safe bet. Also like the Falcons -1.5 and the Steelers -2.5.  Not touching the Seahawks/Bears game, both of those teams are not to be trusted.

–Well that’s all for today. See you again in two months (or not… but probably two months). Follow along on Twitter, I still have 1010 followers even though I haven’t tweeted in almost a month. Which reminds me, I had a tweet read on-air by Jim Rome back in mid-December. How cool is that? What? Not cool at all, you say? Well, effff you.

Recently, I sent out a text message to various NHLers and asked them what makes them sad. Here’s what came back:

Sidney had some alpha male issues he was dealing with…

Ryan Miller’s text gave us a better understanding of why he was so passionate about the Hjalmarsson hit…

Patrick Kane came across like he’s calling out for help…

Nikolai Khabibulin also has his own demons he’s dealing with and doesn’t know why the league won’t help him…

In order to come to grips with why he’s still in Calgary, Iginla played the race card…

Race was also was an issue in the text sent back by Wayne Simmonds…

Chris Pronger is still dealing with the hurt he experienced from a misunderstanding that occurred last spring…

James Wisniewski also doesn’t understand why people have turned on him for something he considered as an innocent act…

Ondrej Pavelec voiced  his frustration of playing on a crappy team…

And finally, even though he wasn’t on the list of recipients of my original text, Tampa Bay backup goaltender Dan Ellis chimed in on the subject…

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Don’t forget to follow Blades of Funny on Twitter. We’re almost at 1000 followers!

(A weekly feature on Blades of Funny where I share a few must-read articles from the hockey world, and then add in a lame joke. While it’s technically supposed to be posted on Friday, you never know with this thing because it has a mind of its own. Read something good? Send it in! Wrote something funny? Send it in! Want to tell me how much you hate me? I’d love to hear it!)

Hockey or Die – Jonathan Willis does some freaky mathematician stuff to see what Crosby’s numbers would look like had he played in the 80′s. He also adjusts Gretzky’s stats from that era to see what they’d look like over an 82-game season.

Man, every time I glance at Wayne’s 200+ point seasons, they blow my mind. Which leads me to the following point: Remember in our hockey pools when we had to draft Wayne’s and Mario’s assists and points separately, and Steve Yzerman became the fallacious #1 pick? If you do, you’re getting old!

Down Goes Brown – DGB tries to explain why the Ottawa Senators lost money this season. Mind you, it’s not a coincidence that the sum total of their losses amounted to $4 million. After all, it’s hard to budget for getting robbed blinded by a disgruntled employee.

Orland Kurtenblog – Staying on the financial topic, Mike Halford has a rundown of teams that will soon be feeling the salary cap pinch. I was shocked — and I mean SHOCKED — to see the Florida Panthers on the list. On second glance, though, I realized they employ Bryan McCabe, so cap issues are to be expected.

View From My Seats – Matt Reitz shares a transcript of Dale Tallon’s meeting with Florida ownership. While you read that, I’m going to ponder why I always want to write “Dave” Tallon instead of “Dale”. Dave just seems to flow better. I think his parents made a mistake … Jeez, I hope his parents aren’t dead ’cause I don’t want them to haunt me over this. F#ck, maybe I should just scrap what I just wrote…

Flames Nation – Ken Wilson argues that middle class goalies are interchangeable, and uses stats to back up his point. This leads him to conclude that it may be wise for the Flames to deal Kiprusoff while they still can. That’s quite a ballsy opinion for a Flames fan to have. Y’know, considering that Darryl Sutter will be the one making the trade; Probably will end with Kimmo Timonen coming back in exchange.

IIHF – Some guy working for the IIHF blasts players who chose not to partake in the World Championships. I’m not saying this is a self-serving article from someone who may have an axe to grind, but let me tell you this: I wouldn’t be surprised if some quota wasn’t met and, as a result, Szymon Szemberg’s wife will not be getting the new diamond necklace he promised her. An unhappy wife is an unhappy life, so take that Sidney Crosby!

Down Goes Brown – DGB returns for an encore. This time with a look at Boston Bruins excuses for their epic collapse. I hope Leafs fans milk this collapse for all they can, afterall, it’s only fair since the Bruins have been milking Toronto for a while now.

Truth & Rumors – The ever-entertaining William Houston sides with Willie Mitchell on his rant against league disciplinarian Colin Campbell. Good read, but back to Dale “should have been Dave” Tallon”s parents. They’re alive, right? I just heard a noise in my basement. You don’t think, do you? Getting kind of freaked out here…

The Pens Blog – Fantastic post that sticks it to those who are running Trade Malkin stories. The gap between the mainstream media and  bloggers is narrowing by the day. Heck, writers from both camps already share the same mode of transporation (for those too lazy to click the link, the ride of choice is a Honda Accord with over 500,000 km’s on the dash).

Bloge Salming – A typical day in the life of Gary Bettman set to the tune of Like A Boss. Great work as always by Bloge.

Thanks to all the blogs that linked here this week Five for Howling and The Rat Trick. Sorry if I missed anyone. Big thanks also to everyone that spread the funny on Twitter and around the internet.

Speaking of Twitter, Blades of Funny is now up to a new record of 581 followers. That’s pretty much the plateau I would think, especially if I keep coming out with material like this:

Random Thought:

I do not care one iota about the IIHF World Hockey Championships. There, I said it. In YOUR face, Szymon Szemberg. BTW, your parents also screwed up your name.

Uh-oh! Why do I keep doing this to myself???

(A weekly feature on Blades of Funny where I share a few must-read articles from the hockey world, and then add in a lame joke. While it’s technically supposed to be posted on Friday, you never know with this thing because it has a mind of its own. Read something good? Send it in! Wrote something funny? Send it in! Want to tell me how much you hate me? I’d love to hear it!)

The Hockey News – With a headline like “Penguins must trade Malkin,” this has to be classified as humor. If you’re not sold yet, check out what’s inside:

Here’s an idea a couple of us came up with. I repeat, an idea we came up with. Not a rumor. Malkin and a fifth round pick to Edmonton for the first overall selection, Magnus Paajarvi-Svensson and Sheldon Souray.

[...]

It’d be a good old-fashioned hockey trade and a win for both sides.

Let’s dissect this: On one hand, you have a team, which is one year removed from a Stanley Cup and back-to-back Finals appearances, trading away one of the top 3 players in the game. On the other hand, you have a team, which has been treading water for two decades and are now finally in a position to do a proper rebuild, trading away two of their blue chip prospects. A win for both sides? Humor indeed.

But you know what makes this a riot? The fact that Burke essentially made this trade, only instead of getting Malkin, he got Phil Kessel. <Nelson Muntz laugh>

Distinct Kicking Motion – Canadiens Eliminate Penguins; Carey Price Pissed Off. While I’m certain my classification of the previous link is correct, I’m not quite sure if this one is satire or not.

Stay Classy – Staying with the Canadiens, Burgundy offers a few tips on how to do your rioting right. My tip would be to make sure your gang includes a few Leafs fans that have jumped on the Habs bandwagon. I’m sure those souls are bitter and ready to tear sh#t up Colton Orr-style.

Cowhide and Rubber – More Canadiens, this time with added gloating. Look at them, they’re so cute, so Cinderella-ish. Remember when Flames and Oilers fans were like this? We can only hope the future for Habs fans holds the same fate.

Bloge Salming – The New NHL Dating Website. I heard Luongo and the Canucks were considered for this but they were bumped when news came out that Roberto’s inability to perform caused Vancouver to have a torrid love affair with a sexy young redhead.

(Ed’s note: To those of you that googled “sexy young redhead” and wound up here, I’m sorry. However, if you wish to stay, you must put on a pair of pants. It’s a BoF rule.)

Orland Kurtenblog – Staying with Luongo, Jason Brough puts the “Luongo sucks because of the ‘C’” argument in perspective. There are bigger issues; the ‘C’ is just an easy thing to point to. Sort of like how alcohol takes the blame when, after a night of partying, you wake up with a 2.5 beside you. Sure, the alcohol played a role, but the fanny pack you wore played a bigger role.

MC 79 Hockey – Tyler Dellow calls out new Thrashers GM Rick Dudley for fabricating. While Tyler’s words are scathing, they pale in comparison to the beatdown Dudley will receive from Kane. Evander don’t like no liars.

Pittsburgh Post-Gazette – Sidney is set to move out of Lemieux’s basement. I guess Mario finally had enough of Crosby’s crying and whining.

What’s that? That was an obvious joke and you expected more from BoF?  My bad, let me try again.

Sidney is set to move out of Lemieux’s basement. I heard he bought a place in New York with Lebron James. The home will affectionately be nicknamed “The Baby Crib.”

Ha! That’ll teach you to demand funny from me.

Puck Daddy – Does something stink in Jersey? Yes. But Steven Ovadia takes a look at possible strife in the Devils organization. Not surprising ’cause, much like a marriage, when jars of jelly start hitting the wall, things are no longer rosy.

View From My Seats – Fellow basement shut-in hockey blogger Matt Reitz pays homage to a departed friend. Nicely done, I think I’ll end with this.

Thanks to all the blogs that linked here this week: Down Goes Brown, Puck Daddy, Five for Howling,  The Rat Trick, Second City Hockey, Hockey Independent, Hockey N’ High Heels, Fantasy Hockey Scouts, Dobber Hockey, Nucks Misconduct, Ms. Blackhawks, and Distinct Kicking Motion. Sorry if I missed anyone. Thanks to all those that RT’d on Twitter and shared BoF on message boards. I am forever your humble servant.

One last thing I have to share with you because I found it utterly hilarious…

The photo and caption are courtesy of St. Louis Game Time:

“It’s not often that you can pinpoint the exact moment that a guy leaps off of one bandwagon straight onto the awaiting deck of another bandwagon, but we did it tonight.”

In this series, Blades of Funny scours the internet and finds memorable comments left under hockey-related stories. You may laugh, you may cry, you may block this site on your browser so you never have to read this drivel again, but one thing is certain: you will not become any smarter by reading this post.

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The Article: Deadspin shares this story by the National Post which examines the unlikely trend of hockey jerseys being popular among youth in Africa. A snippet from the Post’s article:

The phrase “Dead White Man Clothes” is a common term in Uganda’s marketplace. In Ghana, (where I spotted a Winnipeg Jets jersey in 2005) the phrase in local Twi is “obruni we wo.” Translation: “a white man has died.”

After all, why else would anyone give up these perfectly good clothes?

The Comment by Hit Bull Win Streak:

“Dead White Man’s Clothes”

And here I thought I was the only one still rocking the John Kordic Nordiques jersey

BoF: Well played.

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The Article: Down Goes Brown gets Flyers fans worked up with his post on Carcillo ( which includes a joke about Carcillo’s mustache), leading a Flyers fan to reply in anger:

You’re 30 and can’t grow facial hair ( it’s a throw back stache to honor the bullies) dumb ass

Which sets up…

The Comment by bleedblueandwhite:

Carcillo growing the ‘stache to honor the bullies is like playing Nickleback at a Rolling Stones tribute. if you’re gonna honor someone, don’t suck at it

BoF: A comment that slams both Carcillo and Nickelback? That deserves enshrinement into the internet hall of fame, my friends.

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The Article: Taking a look at how Crosby is being received in Montreal: A restaurant on St-Denis Street laid out a white No. 87 Crosby jersey over a red carpet on the sidewalk, so that patrons could stomp on it.

The Comment by John David:

His Jersey should be stomped on.

What has Crosby done for Canada?

He went to the USA because they were the highest bidder and offered him the biggest pot of money.

He is a disgrace to Canada…why isn’t he playing for Montreal? Because MONEY got in the way and he was offered a bigger cheque in the USA.

BoF: This guy NEEDS to be featured on HNIC’s iDesk like RIGHT NOW. I can’t even imagine what Cherry’s reaction would be, but I bet it would be epic. Then again, Cherry may very well side with this theory, which…wouldn’t be as epic.

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The Article: Grey whale makes rare appearance in Vancouver’s False Creek

The Comment by anonymous (here):

Breaking News:

Unconfirmed reports that the whale swimming around in False Creek today was actually Dustin Byfuglien.

BoF: Zing!

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The Article: Both MSNBC and NBC Chicago got suckered in by an obviously fake story about members of the Canucks being fined for planning a pizzeria crawl of Chicago’s deep dish establishments, and reported it as fact.

The Comment by Steve U:

3 Dead, 13 Injured as Mafia War Intensifies – Crime, B7

Record Pumpkin Crop Reported in Farmville, KS – U.S., C4

BoF: Well played.

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The Article: Cult of Hockey shares an excerpt from a Blades of Funny post.

The Comment by bill:

not really amusing. not that im not game for ripping on souray

BoF: Can’t really argue with the ‘not really amusing’ part, but has Bill ever wondered how his comments affect other people? Some people may have feelings which are even more sensitive than Sheldon Souray’s and reading stuff like this really cuts right to the soul…sniff…I think next time…sniff sniff…Bill should think twice before leaving…sniff…his malicious comments…sniff sniff…It’s Edmontonians like him…sniff…that give the city a bad reputation…sniff…